The past almost 3 months have flown by since my last physical connection with all of you. Thank you for all the prayers, messages, energy, cards, love and blessings sent to my sister and I. We feel it and it has helped so much. It has been a twisting journey with highs and lows interspersed with many magical moments of grace.
I have had the opportunity for the first time to really dwell consciously in my physical body. As my ability to “do” was taken away, I was forced to be. Here’s an excerpt from my journal 3 weeks after the prophylactic (preventative) bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction:
“A quiet house & nothing to do with the day. Shower? Netflix? Solitaire? Return phone calls & emails? Sit in sunshine? Walk? Nap? I feel a bit paralyzed. Sometimes the silence is so loud. Did I do the right thing with this surgery? Will I ever feel better? Can’t stop the noise in my head by taking care of others, distracting myself with a drive, shopping or eating for the quick escape from the should, have to, what if or who cares about any of it anyway thoughts that are running around in my head fighting for a platform to state their case.
I am physically unable to work, run or even drive. I must feel & sit & be. What do I feel? Tightness in my chest, not really pain though. So it’s not my physical body I am running from.
I finally do the only thing that ever works but usually is the last thing that comes to my mind at times like this. I notice my breathe going in & out & in & out. I realize so much is going right in my body & life. There are no malignant cells in my breasts. That monster that was chasing me is gone. I am safe and loved physically and spiritually always. All is well. I can breathe. It calms me. Then in the space I find what I was looking for… peace, acceptance, comfort. I am not alone. Never alone. Now I can feel my Creator and the Angels love surround me.
My breathe which quietly & steadfastly holds my life force & Spirit without my asking or even acknowledging is always there for me. The confusion transforms to gratitude just as easily as a single match can dispel darkness. It happens completely & effortlessly.
I feel the need to yell, “Why can’t I remember this when I KNOW it is truth?” Why is my mind so cunning in seducing me down this so familiar path of fear, judgment, distraction & darkness? My breathe, or God or Spirit answers as gently as a breeze from the wings of a butterfly. ‘You are human, there is no shame in that.” I thank my ever present, loving breathe, God & Spirit. I am whole again.” 6/16/14
Ahhh…I remember those moments. I have never felt that powerless. As my strength came back I was in awe of all that my body was accomplishing. Each healing step was so tangible. I have always thought the human body was amazing but I was given the opportunity to witness it’s power consciously in my own body for the 1st time.
So much has happened to it over the last 6 months with the total hysterectomy 2/5 and this recent surgery 5/28. I know that there was a greater purpose than the physical one that I set out to accomplish. I have such a stronger awareness of the importance of health. I have always known this in my head but now I KNOW this and can consciously live it. My body deserves love, respect, nourishment, compassion & exercise balanced with rest just as my Spirit does.
“There is one consolation in being sick; and that is the possibility that you may recover to a better state than you were ever in before.” Henry David Thoreau
I do believe that is the case for me. I received so much more than the physical relief and peace of mind that I was seeking. Another precious gift of being plucked out of my doing is the gift of sitting in stillness outside each day. I have cardinals that take baths in my stream a few times a day, a chipmunk that sits and eats his seeds with me and a hummingbird that visits around 7 every night… what a gift. The key is to continue to sit & be now that I am able to do again. Balance is always what I seek!
I am so happy to be back to work on a part time basis to help me maintain that balance. YAY! I’ve missed our sessions, classes and Gatherings. Hope you can make one of the ones listed below or email me for a private appointment. The New Moon Abundance & Meditation Gathering will be great outside by my little stream & pond on 8/25 where we can manifest with its powerful energy. Let me know if you can join us.
Thank you for your continued trust, referrals, love and patience. I am excited to be with you all again. Join me this month in embracing our humanity by consciously loving and nurturing our bodies as the precious gifts that they are.
love, love, love you,
Jackie Eaton xoxo
“Be beautiful YOU. Nobody does it better.” Author unknown
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